Dear Annoying Gentlemen Behind Me

List of U.S. state foods
List of U.S. state foods (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I’m going to see the Hunger Games at the cinema with a couple of friends. You could say I’m excited, I haven’t visited the pictures in a while. This blog post is just a pre-warning to whoever dares  wishes to sit behind me in the cinema. I’m fed up of the annoying person who sits in the once vacant seat behind me. So, I’ve prepared a very very long short letter just to say I warned you.

Dear Annoying Gentlemen Behind Me,

Yes, you most certainly know who you are. There’s a group of you and your only mission is to make sure that I can’t watch the film in the relaxed environment I so hoped I’d be visiting.

You, my friends, are very annoying people. And it’s not just because of your constant talking – in fact, it’s a whole list of things. Here are five horrible things that I hate about the annoying men* sitting behind me in the cinema.

1. The Way You Kick My Chair. Please, I beg you, stop kicking my chair. It’s not amusing for anyone, it just makes me spill popcorn on the person in front’s head. And guess what, I’ll be the one to get kicked out. It also hurts my back, which is a vital part of my body that I wish not to brake – particularly whilst in the cinema.

2. The Way You Eat So Loud. What is wrong with you? Can you not, for once, eat with your mouth shut? And whilst we’re on the subject of mouths, keep it far away from my head. If you can’t do that, then take a mint. I mean seriously, your manners are all over the place.

3. Don’t Start Talking About What Happens In The Film. If I’m honest, I don’t really get why you’ve seen the film more than once, it’s pretty much a waste of money. But, if you insist on seeing the film more than once, please don’t discuss what happens. I’m tired of hearing you go on and on about how Charlie dies and Mary is eaten by a werewolf. I was going to watch that bit because I didn’t know what happens, but now because of you, there’s no point. I might as well stand up and walk out, but then that’d be a waste of money and money, my dearest friends, isn’t too easy to come by any longer.

4. Can You Read? Honestly, there’s a massive advert at the beginning of the film telling you to turn your phone off, so why the heck does it keep buzzing in my ear? Read the sign, for goodness sake.

5. Keep Your Food To Yourself! We’ve established that you have popcorn, yes, we all know that. I’ve heard you eating it, I saw you get it and I don’t and I repeat, I don’t need to have it sitting on my head. If you’re going to eat, do me a favour and don’t chuck your food at me. I’ve never done anything to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and if I see you later on today, be sure to follow these simply instructions.

* Okay, so it’s not always men. But most of the time.

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10 Comments

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  1. Funny, but more sad and true…

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