Dramatic sneezers. Who likes ’em?
Dear Dramatic Sneezer,
If you decide to read this letter then I thank you for visiting my blog and am very pleased that you’ve taken a break from sneezing over-dramatically to do so.
I need you to listen up now because this letter will raise some serious issues with you and your sneezing habits.
I’d like to start off by making note that there is nothing wrong with sneezing. Sneezing is a very natural thing to do, everyone does it. I have no problem with people sneezing however I’m afraid that I do have a problem with dramatic sneezers.
Why, you ask?
Because there is no need for them.
How do I define a ‘normal’ sneeze from a dramatic sneeze?
A dramatic sneeze is where the sneezer slams their hand over their mouth in preparation for the sneeze, inhales deeply, turns around, bends over and exclaims ‘ACKWHOO’ making it into a very loud, very long word before putting their hands on their knees, sniffing and returning to their previous activities.
Which sneezer would you rather be in the company of? The normal, somewhat elegant sneezer or the sneezer who’s so obnoxious that they completely over dramatise their sneeze. I know which one I’d rather be with.*
So, for your benefit only**, I have devised a tutorial on how one must compose themselves when enduring the art of sneezing.
1. Inhale softly. First things first, take a quick breath in to prepare for your sneeze. Not a loud breath, a short, soft breath. This is to ensure that you do not play on the nerves of your company.
2. Raise your hand to your mouth, slowly and elegently. For a more effective approach to this, have a straight back. When you feel the sneeze coming, you shall already have inhaled softly and so you should be prepared to raise your hand to your mouth slowly and in a civilised manner. News flash, you can protect germs from spreading without over-dramatising it.
3. Achoo. This is the final step of my sneezing plan (yes, you can sneeze by following just three steps!) Quietly pronounce ‘achoo’ or whatever, similar, word you pronounce when sneezing. This does not mean you can revert to your regular, loud, long word that you so regularly exclaim.
Thank you for listening to my guide, if these steps won’t help you nothing will and I seriously advise taking a drama class. You’ve got a gift.
*It’s the normal sneezer, if you didn’t catch that.
**Don’t worry, I’ll allow you to thank me later. Providing you stop those dramatic sneezes, that is.
- Sneezing on Summer Solstice? (spittoon.23andme.com)
- What Happens When You Sneeze? (everydayhealth.com)
- Experts’ Expert: How to lower the volume of a sneeze (bookofjoe.com)
- Does the sun make you sneeze? It’s not just you (refreshingnews99.blogspot.com)