Awkward Situations and How To Escape

Life is awkward. It presents you with awkward situations, introduces you to awkward people and is full of awkward moments. In our last, defiant attempts to relieve our discomfort when dealing with these awkward moments, we often make matters worse. But, there’s a secret. Despite all you have ever learnt, it is possible to survive awkward social situations.

Recently – on a post about farting being a milestone in a relationship – Jane and I found ourselves stumbling into the familiar territory of dealing with social situations. We came up with some creative (and oh-so-simple) phrases to escape any awkward meeting. (Jane did a wonderful thing and compiled them here – with a few added extra – for your benefit. Send your thanks.) After racking my brain for some half-witty one liners that will ensure your escape from any uncomfortable meeting, I started thinking.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been uncomfortably meeting someone for the first time and eager to escape their company. These situations have tamed us into well-mannered animals. We often choose politeness over honesty, trying to spare all feelings where possible.

Whether or not you want to escape these awkward moments with a more brutal approach or with the relentlessly cautious one, these are three tips to always take into consideration at a party or social event:

The Escape Route

Picture this: a conversation is dying rapidly and you can’t see any way your charming personality is going to get you out of this one. What you really need right now is an escape plan. The solution?

Learn gymnastics.

I don’t mean the all singing and flinging, dancing and prancing type of gymnastics. I mean backward rolls, backward flips and – for the less able – pencil/sausage rolls.

It saves the awkwardness of having to actually end the conversation – keeping both your dignity and the dignity of your company in tact as well as ensuring that they avoid you for the rest of the evening. They don’t have to put up with your brutality and rude nature and you don’t have to put up with their lack of ability in keeping a conversation alive. Win win.

Smoke Bomb

Now, smoke bombs are impressive. What’s even better is that they come in all different colours and so you can make your fantastic escape a spectacle for all to see.

The great thing about this is that the person you are escaping from is most likely going to suspect that you are an illusionist or artist pulling off a stunt, rather than the socially inept Internet-goer that you secretly (or not so secretly) are.

Silent, but crafty

The instructions are simple, soldier. Stand still. Shut your mouth. Look straight ahead. Continue to do so until the contributing party walks away and/or calls a doctor. Then, make your exit.

 

It’s a simple action plan, I know. But, now I feel that you are all correctly equipped in handling any social situation or – as it’s best referred to as – escaping any social situation.

If you enjoyed this article and/or thinks a friend needs dire help in the social field, please share and recommend this post on all (or some – I don’t want to push my luck) of your favourite social media websites. Thank you.

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9 Comments

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  1. Love you blog already!

  2. NotAPunkRocker June 24, 2014 — 7:30 am

    Smoke bombs make me think of GOB on “Arrested Development” and his magic acts. I would figure out a way to make it even more awkward, more than likely 🙂

  3. Oh boy… thanks for the chuckle.

  4. SMOKE BOMB!
    That is brilliant. Diabolical genius.
    And coloured smoke bombs? You could escape in an dramatic, yet fabulous way.

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